Searching for excitement or protecting a successful marriage

By Serge Kreutz

The following is a contribution from a female reader. It dwells on typically female concerns of protecting a marriage, even though it is sexually boring.

I could not help but write to you after spending a few hours on your site. To tell you the truth, I don’t know where I should begin – from praising you to the level of High Heavens or stoning you to death. I will wait with stoning, because I am sure you get quite a lot of that, especially from women. Being one of them, I think it would be interesting for you to know that you deserve some praise from the weaker sex as well.

What I wanted to say is that I agree with your point of view about the engineering of love, sexual relationships, language, orgasms, etc. etc. etc. Name me the subject, and I can find very few points to contradict. It is unfortunate indeed, that sexual satisfaction cannot last with one partner. I am “happily married”, just as you describe – perfect relationship, career, stability, no children (THANK GOD), but it has been 7 years and, well, it is a routine. Sex, the way it is present, is no longer exciting, and no longer enough of it, to be blissfully happy. I can’t help but accept the situation the way it is for fear of screwing it up by having an affair on the side. Your attitude is remarkable, but unless you in fact are planning to commit a suicide, where are you going to be at 65? Alone, with no more young lovers to procure? As a woman and a reasonable one, I can’t quite see myself in the far future at 50 chasing young men. Not an appealing picture. Comfort and security is important, especially in the later days in life, when youthful desires can no longer be fulfilled because of nature’s laws. It is a fact from which I believe you are hiding. Well, all of the above was a very small insight on my personal life, which does not concern you. What I really wanted to say is that what you teach should be published and presented to all men of age 15 and up. Unfortunately, most of them have so little clue about how to get a woman and what to give her, that it is quite a pitiful environment for us – those women who actually want to receive something other than 15 minutes of silent intercourse.

But after thinking for a bit about your personal views, I have to stop myself from being angry. I am in many ways just as you are. You receive sexual excitement not just from the sexual experience, but also from the route that leads to it. From manipulating the person you chose into loving you, wanting you, worshipping you. Well, there is no bigger pleasure than that! I agree. And there are women, who are manipulators like you. All my relationships (I did not have many, but all ended up in a proposal of marriage until I actually married) started from me choosing a person of interest and leading him into “love”. And it is a bliss in fact of getting what you want and seeing step by step the conquering process. Don’t you agree?

I have to say though, that your choice of sexual objects surprises me. Yes, it must be very pleasant to be in bed with a 19 year old girl, but what does she know? What can she bring? How would she surprise you? Even if you are moderately good, you will make her sexual experience bliss. It will be much harder with an older woman. By older, I am not referring to a 40 year old. I say 25 or 30. Old enough to have an identity and preferences and ability to compare. I myself am 29.

My personal experience shows me that the most exciting conquest is of ones who seem absolutely unreachable. I am very attractive and I am confident. I believe that if given a chance and enough time, I can have any man I want. (and I don’t mean for a night). I have proven this to myself even during recent years of my marriage: all I had to do is stop before actual sexual experience. It is not unfaithfulness to make somebody else want you and love you. As hard as it was, I had to check my self-control and protect my successful marriage.

Have you ever thought of meeting a worthy adversary, who would understand your tricks and apply her own? Have you ever taken yourself out of the comfort of sweet, shy teen-agers to try and give bliss to a woman who has experienced it before? Wouldn’t it be a more exciting goal to be the best among many good ones, rather than the best, compared to a few inexperienced youngsters?

As an expert on love, I would think that you would want to grow and set new higher goals each time. Going parallel routes of teen-age girls over and over again is not a hard task, if you already know the way.