Our (female) sexuality, and the strategic goal to settle in a rich Western society

By Serge Kreutz

All women, and some men, know that our needs, and our sexuality, are more complicated than those of men. And most men don’t know how we women feel. [1]

Men are physically stronger than we are, and men are often aggressive. Men don’t know us, and we seldom tell them how we feel, because we have learned throughout history that letting men know about our sexuality can be quite dangerous. In most societies, we have good reason not to pursue the sexual joy that we imagine, and good reason not to confess any sexual desires.

Some modern societies are better than traditional ones in that modern societies at least do not punish us in cruel manners for having sex before marriage, or with a man other than the one we are married to.

Obviously, even though most men don’t know it, women have sexual desires [2], and most of us enjoy sex a great deal. We have orgasms, mostly clitoral, but we also enjoy penetration. It’s not that we enjoy penetration because penetration brings us to an orgasm. The two can be related, but even if they aren’t, we can enjoy both. But we never tell men because it puts our reputation into jeopardy. Our reputation is all the better the less we appear sexually interested. In some traditional societies, this is essential, and even in many modern societies, it is advantageous.

Our sexual market value depends much on appearing sexually not active and sexually not interested. Our sexual market value is extremely important to us, because so much depends on it.

Of course, we do not only need sexual excitement, we also need shelter and protection. In many societies, such as those defined by Islam, or in traditional India (youtube video see here), we have learned to keep our sexuality entirely to ourselves.

There are two other types of societies, rich Western societies and poor Western societies. In both, we are not punished outright for our sexuality.

The problem is that men are also not punished. This conflicts with many of our non-sexual needs because every woman wants a faithful man.

Our needs are not all sexual. We have emotional, romantic needs. We want a man at our side who is a reliable partner. A family man who can provide a safe harbour in a miserable, dangerous world [3]. A man who is around us when we bring up our children. Obviously, we do not want a man who messes with other women, especially not younger ones. Because it would only be a question of time when we will be dumped.

It’s not easy to be a woman. Too many different aspects, and too many conflicting needs.

Evaluating all possibilities, women are best off in rich Western countries. We are fairly well protected by the law. And men are less violent. Men in rich Western countries also have a fairly good acceptance of our female sexuality.

It is desirable for women from traditional North African, Middle Eastern, and South Asian societies to find a Western husband, or at least to live in a rich Western country. We’d enjoy much more freedom and could even pursue sexual goals, especially if we are separated from our traditional relatives.

But how to handle? There are issues of citizenship, and of household costs. A rich Western husband would be a fine solution. Not too intelligent, and not too rich, but intelligent enough, and rich enough.

We adapt easier to rich Western countries if we come from poor Western countries as those in Latin America, or from poor Westernized countries like those in Sub-Saharan Africa, or East and Southeast Asia.

The first task is to get a firm foothold in a rich Western society. And from that point on, the rules of that society apply, and they are much, much more favorable to us women.


1 The Society for the Scientific Study of Sexuality, What Sexual Scientists Know About Gender Differences in Sexual Behavior

2 David Farley Hurlbert, Female Sexual Desire, Response, and Behavior

3 National Healthy Marriage Resource Center, Man-Up Men! Be the Best Husband and Dad You Can Be!