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Instrumental jealousy

By Serge Kreutz

We tend to think of jealousy in entirely negative terms. We usually see it as an expression of a lack of self-confidence, of character weakness, or as something that causes considerable emotional pain. Jealousy breeds suspicion, ruins personal lives in Shakespearean tragedy. Jealousy is poison.

All of this is true. All of this is false.

Jealousy is more than this. It’s not entirely negative. The snake is the medical profession’s animal goddess of choice. Most poisons have substantial healing potential. Medical properties are dosage-dependent.

Jealousy can be a great sexual energizer. It can be better than Pfizer’s Blue. It’s a doorway for true love, for desire that is entirely focused on a single person.

Sigmund Freud once mentioned that for a woman to be truly loved there has to be at least some doubt as to her chastity. To not feel entirely sure of possessing a woman is what keeps desire alive. Young men typically don’t appreciate jealousy. Young men also often are a bore. They don’t know themselves, and most of them are lousy lovers. They seldom are emotionally balanced and seldom can walk the tightrope of jealousy.

I have myself, in younger years, often wondered why married couples would join swinger clubs, and especially why husbands should agree to a threesome in which they would have another, younger man, work their wives.

As a matter of fact, these are practical, wise men. They keep their marriages fresh, and their sex lives active. And they are in full control.

While usually, changing partners is the best recipe to keep one’s sexual appetite up, the option of a new girl every week is not available to most men. It is therefore a wise approach to try to get the most out of a partner that is available. If you can’t go wide, go deep.

I know the difference between love and sex. But I am not a romantic. Love is but to be psychologically very much focused on a particular person. There are certain exterior factors that determine the degree of love.

The fewer other options we have, the more we will likely be focused on a person with whom we have a love relationship. The less we possess her, the more likely we are to want her. Love can be engineered, as can jealousy.

While I personally may have a preference for going wide, I have, in some instances, gone deep. I can do so, and have great sex over months on end, if I can cook up the right mix of jealousy.

I am not advocating swinger club memberships for every couple. That’s something for hardened connoisseurs. But I do propagate the positive aspects of jealousy, strange as this may sound.

How to engineer jealousy? If you are in a love relationship, talk, talk, talk. Both of you. Talk about past relationships, and talk about hidden desires. It’s a great therapy to make your relationship deeper. It’s also a sure route to jealousy.

For unless both partners are incorrigible liars, details will emerge which will, silently, hurt.