From the time I was around 15 years old, my main aim in life has been to become an expert in the engineering of love. No, my aim has not just been to become a good lover. I am a firm believer in the power of knowledge, and in the scientific, the engineering approach. I believe in studying every aspect of a chosen topic, and I believe in studying it in great detail.

Love and sex are, of course, closely related. We like to have sex with the person we love, especially if we are jealous. And if the person whom we love will let us.

If we are not loved anymore, and if we ourselves do no longer love, life is dull. People who don't feel loved, or who believe of themselves that they do not need to be loved, and who themselves don't love, die earlier than those with a healthy love and sex life.

I talk about the engineering of love, not a religion or mythology of love. As in any field of engineering, my interest is practical.

I imagine the engineering of love as a technical discipline that aids those who study it in building their own better love lives.

No, this is not psychological counseling. The aim is not to change people's own perceptions about their love lives.

A shrink may treat a depressed person by convincing him that no, the world doesn't look down on him, and that no, he is not a flop, not a complete failure in life.

I imagine the love technology not to deal with perceptions of love but with actual parameters. It's a basic principle in any field of science and engineering that there is something to be measured. At the first instance it may sound strange that we indeed believe that yes, quantities of love can be measured, too. We may not be able to express amounts of love in centimeters or kilograms, but I sure know the difference in the amounts of love felt towards me when I compare my girlfriend for five months with a street hooker who is offering me a blow job.

I am an eccentric, unknown author. I don't need to be successful, I don't need to be rich, and I don't want to be famous... I really just want to be in a love relationship, and I want to be at the beginning of such a love relationship. I want to relive again and again what one would consider the best time of one's life. Obviously not again and again with the same girl.

Some people may say that this is out of focus. We ought to accept that all life declines. To age gracefully. I will not do that. I use all available technologies to avoid aging.

As anybody, I have had my fill of esoteric nonsense about love. Mullahs and priests talk about it. Love as the foundation of the happy family, love as the pillar of a moral lifestyle, love as the ultimate political principle, you name it.

I'm not going to elaborate on any of this.

I am much more interested in the practicalities of love. For example, I want to know what I can do to arrange for a good number of attractive women to love me. I'd like them to be not too experienced in the field of love... yes, sexual love. I'd like to be the big love of their lives. I don't want to become their husband for 30 plus years.

Am I crazy? I don't think so. I just lack modesty.

What I describe above is my idea of life. I go about to engineer it.

What does it take to engineer love? I subscribe to a scientific approach. I work from the small to the large. I believe in solid knowledge of details. I believe in the rule of cause and effect. If a girl is madly in love with her boyfriend, then there are reasons why this happened. It's not accidental, though it may seem to be. It's also not just one cause but a combination of many. And it can be scientifically analyzed, though I am not aware of any university faculty working specifically on the topic. I know of a Professor of Desire (Eugene Roth's book), but haven't heard of an engineering faculty dedicated to the mechanics or the chemistry of love.

As a youth I read Kierkegaard's Seducer's Diary because I was fascinated by the concept whereby even the holiest of emotions, love, can be engineered. I didn't learn many practical tricks from Kierkegaard, but the idea behind it's title is still with me.

I have also read Oscar Wilde's The Picture of Dorian Gray. The idea of preserving youth fascinated me.

I talk in bed. It sounds like an admission of a weakness, or of some kinkiness, but in fact, I believe there is a necessity to talk in bed, before and after sexual intercourse. Language is a very important tool in the field of sex and love, and apart from that, how the heck am I going to learn something about love if I don't ask and listen.

I don't mean that the particular discipline of engineering that concerns itself with love ought to deal with the needs of older men chasing young women. There should be equal weight on the needs of men and women, and of the young, the older, and the old (why, by the way, are those categorized as older actually considered younger than those categorized as old). But then again, this is not a treatise setting the foundation for a new faculty of engineering. This is just light reading on a heavy subject.

So now, the engineering of love.

I have talked to many women of different cultures about the loves of their lives. Consistently, the men with whom they fell in love were physically attractive to them. If you are serious about engineering love, take care that you are physically attractive. There is a lot you can do. You don't have to waste much money on cosmetics. They do little but cost a lot. You also waste considerable time applying them. I'd go for the grander solutions. Cosmetic surgery really can make a difference. Look at the metamorphosis of Michael Jackson. You don't have to go that far, but if I have the choice between a bigger car and a better look, I surely choose the better look.

I mentioned earlier that as a writer, even though I want to be read, I don't want to be known. Being well-known is a handicap, whatever way you turn it. Can't even have a facelift without facing gossip.

You want to look athletic, or at least, you don't want to look overweight. To engage in bodybuilding obviously is very time consuming, and not everybody will achieve good results. Forcing exercise may leave you with strained muscles or sore joints, or whatever, long before your biceps will look impressive.

While engineering an athletic figure is not always a feasible task, you can avoid being overweight. Yes, do sports, but apart from that, think about your diet.

Geography and love

What men and women consider attractive in the opposite sex always reflects, to a certain extent, common evaluations and assessments of the societies into which they are born. Their behavior is much less unique than they believe. It's a behavior shaped by their environments and the traditions of a place. Even a woman's taste in men, and their ideas of an ideal husband, are not really their own but properties and characteristics of their societies. Likewise, what men regard as beautiful in women often mirrors perceptions in their environment.

In some countries, white Western men rank top on a scale of attractiveness. This is the case in a number of East African nations, as well as in the Philippines and Indonesia.

In some segments of the Japanese society (more than anywhere else), African men have an edge over European men (purely for sexual considerations). In Germany, men from the Caribbean have an amazingly easy time finding local girls.

It works the other way around, too. Very ordinary looking European woman will have an easy time finding an Indian husband, and he will bake in the prestige of having a European wife. Chinese as well as Thai men apparently gain prestige by having a white wife, just as do Filipinas with an American husband. What carries prestige also appears physically attractive.

You better dedicate some time to research before deciding on the best setting for your love life.

Often, it's a good idea to go somewhere where you are different. Blue eyes are considered very attractive and sexy in many places around the world, except maybe in Scandinavia and Russia, where they are an ordinary feature. To be different from the bulk of your competitors can give you an important edge.

White Western men are considered more attractive than their local counterparts in many countries of the world.

Chasing and flattering

Some girls don't think men who chase women are cool. But as long as a boy or man isn't getting too much on their nerves, most girls and young women feel flattered if a man chases them.

You can go all out to show interest. If you do so, you'll have a chance to land her in bed even if from the beginning, she didn't contemplate you as a sexual partner. She may even be in a steady relationship with, or married to, another man whom she loves. What sweet illusion!

You want to have a lasting impact. Teach them a lesson. Destroy their marriage.

She may steadily refuse you... for how long? Go all out. Tell her she's the most beautiful woman you have ever met. Tell her she's the woman of your dreams. Demand that she divorce. Tell her that you will marry her. You haven't slept with her yet. Never mind. Tell her that you will be faithful with her until the end of your days. Tell her that if she doesn't grant you a night together, you will never again touch a woman. Promise her anything you think she would like... or rather: like to hear. Don't worry, you don't have to keep any of your promises. She won't believe them either. It's just that they sound so nice. She'll like to hear them, but she won't believe them. Or, after a while, she believes them a little bit. They just sound so nice.

If you have time, wait for her. Wait for her when she leaves her school or work place. You don't have to talk to her if it would be embarrassing for her. Just make sure that she sees you. Give her the feeling that you are really, really interested in her. But keep an ironical twist to it. Promise her so much that she impossibly can believe that you are serious. It's a charming game. Smile while playing it.

You'll have your day, I guarantee it. You have a great advantage over her husband. They live together. You just meet her when you plan for it.

Their living together won't always be harmonious. Sometimes they will argue, and sometimes she will be disappointed with him. She even may sometimes desire sexual intercourse when he is not in the mood, or when he is busy with his work. Sorry, my Darling.

Watch out for the days before her menstruation. You'll have your chance. She will grant it to you, at least once. And if you can give her a good time, she'll be back for more.

And then, go all out for victory. Make sure her husband will learn about it. Fuck up their marriage. Why? Because marriage as an institution is a disease. It can never be what it is pretended to be. If anything, it can be a depository of losers, of men and women who can't have what they want, so they take what they can get.

In spite of all your promises, you won't be foolish enough to replace the idiot she has been with until she met you. You'll leave her at a time when it will still hurt her, not you.

Language as sexual tool

There is obviously a sexual element in all forms of love. Sexual love is also much more emotional than other forms of love, at least in adults. The emotional attachment of adults to their sexual partners is much stronger than, for example, to their parents. As adult by an adult, you will never be loved fully if there isn't a strong sexual component in the relationship.

Furthermore, I have found that there is a proportional relationship between the base level of sexual desire of a woman and her ability to love. I use the term "base level of sexual desire" because I assume that not all women are wired equally. Some are just easier aroused than others.

On the other hand, the "actual level of sexual desire" at any given time, or over a certain period of time, can be much, much higher. And the most reliable tool to raise the level of sexual desire, not only of women but also of men, is language. To talk about sexual topics is an almost infallible tool to first raise the level of sexual desire, to then proceed to a sexual relationship, and to finally install a level of love in one's partner that will be hard to match by a subsequent lover ... unless he is a master of sexual language as well.

Obviously, what sexual topic to talk about in detail will always depend on the level of intimacy one has reached in a relationship. Don't tell a young woman you have just met that you like your balls kissed... well, normally don't. No two situations are the same.

To be vulgar is normally not a good approach. On the other hand, an element of surprise can be quite effective. Something that all of a sudden makes a young woman flush. Let's say, she bought a woman's magazine, and you look through it, and there is an article on oral sex... ups ... that's interesting, I'd like (to read) that.

You can say something like this in a charming way, and it can still be naughty enough to make her flush. If she does.

Obviously, whether a young woman will flush in such a situation will greatly depend on her cultural background. I am European, but much of my adult life, I have spent in developing countries. A young Asian woman may flush in a situation when a young German woman will show no reaction.

At a later stage, when some intimacy has already been established, for example by kissing and embracing, talk about past experiences. You have to tread a fine line when doing so. Test her reaction by touching lightly on a previous relationship. It has to flow naturally, has to appear spontaneous. "I almost married Susan. Not because I wanted children at that time, but because she always was such good-humor company when she staid overnight at my apartment."

Just make her interested in Susan, and a slight trace of jealousy will appear. That's good. It will make her want to possess you, and that's a step towards love.

You need jealousy, but never overdue it. Profess that you are firmly against playing with the emotions of the person you love, and that you regard it as childish to pretend interest in other women, just to make the one you're with jealous.

Also, do not show interest in other women. If the one you're with is sufficiently intelligent, a mechanism of self-protection will set in. Everybody harbors such a mechanism of self-protection, it's kind of an emotional immune system. "Here somebody just want's to play with me. That's not healthy. Better not get too much involved."

You can talk about previous relationships; you can tell that you were really in love with that woman, the way she smiled, or the way she corrected your table manners (about which you didn't care). Whenever you say something nice about a previous woman, it will be a little bit painful. And hopefully, your remarks will provoke in her the desire to overtake her predecessor.

You need jealousy, and you need emotional pain. You want her to be more in love with you than she ever was before, and ever will be again. You want her to have absolutely no appetite for anybody else.

Be aware of cultural differences.

When you date a new girl and the next day, an opportunity arises with your business partner's secretary ... will you bypass it?

Depending on what kind of society your in, the girl you date may react similarly or not. If she doesn't dare to act similarly because you're in a religious country, it doesn't mean that she wouldn't have appetite. But even so your own appetite for additional sexual adventures is acceptable to you, you don't want her to have appetite for other men. You want her to love you, and only you.

A good amount of heart pain is the best medication to destroy any appetite for sexual adventures, and at the same time convinces her that she really loves you.

But as mentioned above, never overdo it, or otherwise, a mechanism of self-protection sets in. Most people won't suffer indefinitely. They will get over what causes them pain, and will harden emotionally. If you intend to stay on with this woman, don't hurt her too much, and don't hurt her by letting her know about other women at the same time. Her reaction will only be to try to bring emotional distance in between the two of you.

Only if you are prepared to leave her, you can let her know about another woman you have a relationship with at the same time. Otherwise, she may later make use of an opportunity for revenge, and then you're at the receiving end of emotional pain.

If you want to install in her some jealousy without giving her the opportunity to blame you for her heart pain, you can talk about previous women. Another rather effective way is to tell her that somehow, you cannot reach the same level of satisfaction with her as you did with her predecessor. That's mean, of course, but it will make her suffer, and it will make her love you and desire you all the more. If she doesn't look through your game, the idea of seeking revenge will not occur, and you can go on for quite some time, without her ever knowing that your remarks about a lack of satisfaction were just strategic.

From man to man, I tell you: be careful. The same techniques work the other way around. If you hear it straight from her mouth that she reached orgasm with your predecessor but with you she can't, then you will shrink emotionally to about a quarter of your actual weight. You'll be very hurt, very jealous, and you can't even blame her.

If, in comparison, you see her with another man, you are also hurt... but you have an easy way out. You can get angry, and you can quit the relationship.

It is much harder to separate if she just tells you that you can't satisfy her. You can't blame her because you are the failure. And you can't leave if she tells you that even though she can't climax with you, she still loves you (more than the man before who satisfied her).

If, what she says is true, read on. Even though a large number of young women have a hard time to reach a climax, almost all can if the man is smart enough in sexual play.

What are we living for?

This essay on the science of love deals primarily with the question of how we can provoke and manipulate others so that a person by whom we want to be loved loves us. Nevertheless, I want to address some less technical and more philosophical issues as well.

Why, in the first place, do I dedicate so much of my creative energy trying to find out how love works? Financial interest definitely is not the engine behind it. If my interests would be financial, I would never have chosen writing as a profession.

I dedicate so much of my energy to thinking and writing about love, because it's so essential to my philosophical outlook.

I have not elected to be born, and I would have been thankful if my parents could have been more constrained around the time I was conceived. I don't really believe that there is any use in being alive. Most life really is just suffering. And for what? When we're dead, it will just be the same as if we never were born. Our selves are just in the realm of thought, but they are bound to the temporary existence of our bodies. The moment we die, it's all over.

I see no advantage in living but I'm a victim of nature. A rather essential mechanism of all living matter, an instinctive fear of death (nonsensical as it may be) prevents me from doing what reason commands me to do, which is, to put my worthless life to an end by my own hands, and to do so NOW.

I've read many books on suicide, including manuals on how to do it. It may sound funny, but I find comfort in reading suicide manuals. Nevertheless I'm not decrepit enough yet to proceed, or not courageous enough, or just too firmly in the grip of that mechanism of all living matter, an instinctive fear of death.

Not seeing enough sense in being alive but afraid to commit suicide, I pass my time in the pursuit of those moments when I forget that whole shithouse.

In my late teens and early twenties, I was quite happy chasing the opportunity for nothing but sexual intercourse. I wanted girls to fall in love with me so they would let me in. I regularly had a steady girlfriend, but I never stayed long with a particular one. It wasn't that much that they couldn't satisfy me. Rather, many other girls I encountered too easily aroused me. I usually preferred a new one over the previous one. I liked the challenge and the newness, and I could be single-minded for hours when starting a new relationship. No melancholy and no thoughts on the future or the past. Just determined to copulate. It was a time of ready erections, and I could reach a climax easily... though I did usually aim for full intercourse. I didn't care so much whether the girls were beautiful, for as long as they were willing. I never had to worry whether my response would work.

But I have lost interest in that life-style.

There now has to be more than just willingness on their part. They have to be in love with me, I have to be in love with them, and the whole affair needed some tragic elements. I could never just hire a prostitute.

For many years now, easy solutions are no longer an option for me. Love and sexuality has to be something extraordinary to these girls, which really disqualifies casual lays. It has to be love, not just sex, in order to give me that kick which makes me forget the meaninglessness of life. I need to be involved in a Romeo and Juliet setting in order to be really entertained.

I'm strange in another way, too. Even though I don't hold my own life in high esteem (it's such an unimportant flash in time), I do go a long distance to preserve the little value that it has. I'm a law-abiding man, primarily because being jailed would destroy every perspective of getting out of life the only thing that matters... those moments in the arms of a desired women when I can forget that whole shithouse.

I'm also extraordinarily careful to avoid accidents because becoming disfigured would have the same effect as being jailed. And I eat healthy, don't drink and don't smoke, because all of this would interfere with either a sufficiently appealing presentation of myself, or with my own ability to enjoy what really is the only thing worth living for.

If I'm not pursuing a love affair, all I'm doing is preparing for one, either by taking care of my financial basis, or by improving, in any way, the position from which I start, e.g. learning a language for a place where I want to find a new girlfriend, or working on my physique, or studying options for the future. I practically don't waste any time on any other entertainment. All I do is just in service to the pursuit of that specific little happiness that let's me forget the worthlessness of my own existence.

And mind you, I'm not depressed, I'm just realistic. I only don't like to fall victim to illusions about the sense of living. The sad truth is, there is none.

The benefits of jealousy

Why in the world should a man in good standing and in full possession of intellectual capacities select to be jealous? Isn't being jealous terribly uncomfortable? Doesn't it just hurt, confuse, depress, humiliate? Oh yeah, it does all of this, and a lot of other shit as well.

Sorry, but it also makes for the best sex. If they could package jealousy in pills as an erection aide, it would outsell Viagra. Why? Because it works so well. The most important sex organ of a man or a woman is not what is hidden within their underwear. It's what they carry in between their two ears.

Like with any strong medicine, the problem with jealousy is the side effects. Depression, feeling humiliated, an uncontrollable mix of anger and desire, and so on. Jealousy has to be managed if one wants to enjoy the better parts of it. To manage it, it has to be demystified. As jealousy is not so much a subject of popular science as are, for example, the requirements for a woman to reach a climax, a large number of people are hit by it without being able to analyze it.

As a matter of fact, jealousy is not difficult to understand. It occurs as sexual envy. If a mother gives a large apple to one child, and only a small one to the other, the one who received the small apple will be envious. For sexual jealousy to occur in a man, something sexual that the first man desires has to be given to another man, or at least that's what he feels. The event doesn't have to occur in the present time. We are equipped with enough imagination to relive in the present something that has happened in the past.

I have mentioned that from my early youth, I wanted to become an expert in the field of love. I wanted to understand the mechanisms of love in order to apply them to my own advantage. I do feel that I have progressed in my endeavor. There have been a considerable number of women who have loved me, and I feel that if I have real interest in a woman, I do have a chance to win her heart. Obviously, I don't always succeed. But I'm also not always a failure. In my opinion, there are two kinds of love, one that follows the mechanisms of jealousy, and one that follows the mechanisms of best friendship. If you ask me, the mechanisms of the first one are easier to apply. One just has to follow some simple rules.

However, while easier to install in the first place, the kind of love that is based on jealousy is much more difficult to maintain than the one based on friendship, though not all love based on jealousy is exactly the same. I mentioned at another place that I feel reasonable sure that if a young woman agrees to a sexual relationship with me, I will be able to install in her some degree of love for me. This may sound strange primarily to people of a Western cultural background, as they tend to see love as something rather magical. It's not magical, it's factual. Of course, a young woman doesn't always agree to enter into a sexual relationship with a man because she loves him, though many cultures dictate such a setting. The reasons for which a young woman agrees to a sexual relationship with a man (who doesn't have to be a particular one) are manifold and often much more ordinary than love: seeking sexual pleasure, or just wanting to try; wanting to forget another man whom she loved; or a gain of status; in certain cultures where lack of reason for fear is combined with a generally low standard of living, plain financial interest may often be a consideration, especially when entering into a sexual relationship with a mid-age Western man.

If you are in a relationship with a young woman, and the base for this relationship is not love; and if furthermore, you would like this woman to love you; if this is the case, just talk with her about your previous sexual relationships. Talk at random. There surely will be scenes that will appeal to her own sexual fantasies, and especially these scenes will, sooner or later, make her jealous. If you tell her that you felt sheer bliss while strolling in a city park with a previous girlfriend, she will want that you feel more bliss when strolling in the same park with her. If you tell her that with a previous woman, you often had four climaxes a night, she will want that you have five with her. Tell her that you so much loved the way your previous girlfriend smiled, and she will stand in the front of a mirror an check what's wrong with her own smile. If you tell her that you regarded your previous girlfriend a perfect woman for the way she loved you, she will want to be regarded as more perfect, even if it means that she has to love you more than the previous one. People are so terribly easy to manipulate.

And by the same mechanisms by which I succeed manipulating others, I also can manipulate myself. If I want to install some love in myself for a specific person, I will just start talking with that person about her previous love affairs. That works. I will get involved. I will feel hurt. I will want to possess her, and finally, I will love her. I will build a trap, and then I will step into it myself. (Hopefully I will, at the end of the day, find a way out of it.) Why should I be so stupid to make myself jealous, even when I know that it hurts, and that it makes me feel inferior and depressed? Well, I've had the best sex in my life when I ate my heart out because of jealousy. And I am now at an age where I definitely have a prolonged response time. (I'd love to get rid of it.) I've tried all kinds of medications, and I've tried them extensively. Most things don't work, and those that do work, only work for a certain period of time. Genuine jealousy always works. It can make you a real sexual giant.

But hey, you are playing with fire. You have to be aware that if you are sufficiently jealous for a particular person, you will lose sexual interest in others. And if that particular person doesn't give you an opportunity to sleep with her, where do you go with all your sexual power. You can be a giant with her and impotent with any other. (Of course that's the kind of love we'd like to install in her herself. That her sexual thoughts are so much centered on us that she just doesn't feel the slightest desire for anybody else.) If I'm capable to manipulate myself into it, can I also manage to get myself out of this mess called jealousy? Though it may sometimes be hard, I guess I know how to do it. Basically, there are two routes. The one is to turn love into hate, and the other is rather homeopathic: combat the jealousy for her with some jealousy for somebody else. I dare to say that jealousy without hate makes a fine love. You can install jealousy without hate in a woman, and you can install it in yourself if you follow a simple rule. The simple rule is that it must be jealousy without reason to feel wronged.

How is that possible? Doesn't the child that receives the smaller apple feel treated unjustly? Yes, sure. But consider the following: Both children received two apples of exactly the same size. One child ate them both right away, while the other one saved one for the following day. When that child eats her remaining apple in front of the other child who has no more apple to eat, that child will feel the appetite for the apple nevertheless, and envy will still evolve. But whom to hate for the frustration this child experiences. It doesn't have real reason to hate the mother or the other child because the mother treated both children the same way... fairly. Obviously, it's easy to make a girlfriend or a wife jealous by parading in front of her with another girl. It's also crude, and a dead-end road. Furthermore, it's amateurish. One has to be aware of the fact that all people are born with an immune system that not only fights microorganisms but also the pain caused by being treated rudely by a loved person.

A woman who presents herself to her husband or boyfriend in the arms of another man surely will succeed in making her husband or boyfriend jealous. He may even cry tears in front of her. He will feel a stone where he once had a heart, he will spend sleepless nights, and if given the opportunity, he will copulate with his unfaithful wife more frequently than during their honeymoon. He will also stop loving her, and eventually, he will leave her. Her victory is only temporary. In the end, she may be the one who misses him more, rather than the other way around. But he'll be gone. She wronged him. He knows it, and all his friends will tell him. Many will also suggest that he leave that woman. She clearly treated him wrong. For some time still, he will love her, and because he loves her, he will feel ambiguous about her. He loves her, but she wronged him. He will realize that, actually, the basis for love has been withdrawn, and that he has good reason to hate her. But it is possible to install jealousy in a person without giving him or her the easy way out by finding a reason to hate? The key is that jealousy is installed not in a manner that makes the jealous person feeling wronged. And this isn't difficult either. For example, events can be discussed that happened before a man and a woman in a particular love relationship have met. In most cultures, men at least can resort to this tool.

A woman can hardly blame a man for having had sexual relationships before the two met. (It doesn't work the other way around in most cultures of the world.) If then, the man talks about previous relationships, thus installing a degree of jealousy in his partner, she will have a hard time feeling wronged. As the man who is talking also doesn't show any tendency to leave her, she'll be jealous without any reason to hate and to fear. She will just feel that she loves with her full heart. This feeling of a full heart can go on for weeks and months. Actually it is a pain, but it is a pain against which the immune system has a hard time to act.

It happens every now and then that I am at the receiving end for this kind of jealousy. It starts when I play with fire. I am with a person whom I sufficiently like. In order to make good sex still a bit better, I am willing to experience jealousy to a certain degree. I start to ask, encourage her to talk about previous love relationships. I like to hear from her about good sex she had before having had sex with me. I encourage her to be honest. I may learn things that put me down. Falling in love at first sight... not with me. Her first climax... also not with me. The most handsome men she ever slept with... damn it, also not me.

I'd be provoked into better sex, but also into a special kind of jealousy pain. I can't blame her for not having met with me three years ago. And I can't blame her either for being beyond my best age. She doesn't have another lover, or at least I never see him. She even says that she wants to stay with me until the end of her life, seriously, yeah, and that she can't imagine sleeping with another man again. I have no reason to hate her, but I'm jealous nevertheless. Because I'm jealous, sex is fabulous with her. And because I'm jealous, I really only have appetite for her. If this goes on for some time, I feel that it's becoming too much of a good thing. In reality, I don't want to stay with her until the end of my days. Not because I wouldn't love her but because I'm convinced of the impossibility of love until death. So how do I pull myself out of this mess? Separation will work... after a while. If I feel I need a quick fix, I'll be looking for some homeopathic medication... an additional jealousy in order to combat the first one. So, I find another girl, talk and listen, talk and listen until she'll waken my interest and make me a little bit, just a little bit jealous.

Sexual satisfaction

Your aim is clear, you know what you want.

Of course you want to have sexual intercourse with her. But that, by itself, isn't a worthy aim. Sexual intercourse with beautiful women can be bought almost anywhere in the world, and not just from those in the trade. Promise to pay enough, and you are likely to have as many sex partners as you stomach.

But sex is not enough. You want love. Or, to say it more specifically: you want her to love you, more than she ever loved anybody else, and more than she will ever love anybody else. Will it break her? Maybe, but this is not your responsibility. On the other hand, her breaking is what gives you backbone.

Do you want to love her? Not necessarily. But also: not necessarily not. But you will never forget that she will NOT be your last one. To love her who loves you will add depth to your emotions. Let it happen. Just never forget to part before the love she feels for you will decline, as it certainly will. You want to be remembered as the love that never declined... because you left her early enough.

You also want to be the one man in her life with whom she had the best sex. Actually, that feat is easier achieved then most people may think. Just follow a few simple steps.

First, talk. The most important sex organ is the brain. To start with, you want to stimulate sexual thoughts. Obviously, there are several ways to do this. Women are usually very receptive to pornographic movies. But to invite a girl you haven't slept with to a seedy cinema, or to play a pornographic tape when she first visits you at your place, won't generate love. You will be perceived tasteless. You can watch pornographic movies together later in your relationship, when a bond of love already exists, but you shouldn't from the start.

The alternative is to talk. What you say, you can fine-tune to the person and the situation. You can talk sex without talking pornography if you talk about previous relationships. To talk about your previous relationships is anyway among the most promising strategies for wining her heart. Through talking, you can also significantly lower the barriers of personal shame, a necessary step if you want her to experience the best sex she ever had.

After talking, kiss. Spend time kissing, first her lips, later her breasts. You can kiss her all over. And then spend a long time playing her clitoris with your tongue. Don't believe it if she says she thinks such practices are unhygienic. And if at first she doesn't want to let it happen, spend time reducing her barrier of shame. If you want her to experience an orgasm, especially if she never had one before, your best bet is clitoral stimulation with your tongue.

To the contrary, the physical contact from vaginal penetration is usually something that doesn't even bring her near orgasm. The depth of the vagina doesn't have the density of tactile nerves that is necessary for orgasmic height.

On the other hand, the sheer idea of penetration may be the strongest stimulation for her mind. It's a complicated situation. Your talk on penetration may raise her desire, and she may be preoccupied with the idea of a very big male organ being forced into her vagina, but the physical stimulation she needs is to the outside, to the clitoral area, or to the immediate vaginal opening.

A large number of women also need physical stimulation to go on for much longer than could be expected from penetration, and it should happen at a pace faster than what a man can comfortably manage by pelvis movements. But if a couple really does want to make orgasms happen through penetration, the best bet is for the woman on the top and doing the moving.

But for her, too, it will be a tiring effort, and normally, oral sex on her should be the preferred avenue if the goal is to make her climax. Be patient, and put yourself in a comfortable position. Some women will need oral stimulation to the clitoris and the surrounding area to go on for half an hour or longer. Men often can't understand that their female partners can be on an upward route for that long when for them themselves, a climax happens after ten or fifteen minutes the most, otherwise they'll lose strength without having reached one.

But women are wired differently, and if she wants the oral performance to go on for an hour, well, do her the favor. Don't blame her if she can't climax on your first attempt. She will the next time, or the time after the next time, if only you are patient enough.

If it didn't happen the first time, but you already had full sexual intercourse, you can talk with her about watching some blue movies the next time you're together. Don't say that it will be for her. Say that you yourself enjoy watching blue movies. Tell her that you think there is nothing wrong with it.

You want to be the greatest love in her life. You want to be the one man in her life of whom she believes that he really understood her, the one man, the only one, in front of whom she never felt ashamed about her own sexual fantasies.

Never condemn outright any sexual practice she may mention. She may say that this or that really is a perversion. But she may just want to test you. She may want to know whether she can risk mentioning that actually, this or that is part of her sexual fantasies.

She may also suspect that you may want to test her. If she considers you a potential marriage partner, she may want to present herself in more chaste a light than matches reality. Don't let that happen.

Almost certainly, she will later enjoy watching blue movies, and almost certainly, it will make her climaxes stronger, or maybe even make them happen for the first time.

Third, give her the feeling that you have the best time of your life.

It seems as if many women are more concerned with giving a great time to their male partners, rather than enjoying sex themselves. And even though this may sound strange, I actually believe that it's a legitimate approach. Actually, I share that approach.

Even though having a climax makes me feel relaxed and fine, I myself often feel better about the climax of a woman I love than I do about my ejaculation. The pleasure from my own climax is gone after not too long a time... sometimes already after 10 minutes. I've had memorable climaxes, but most are really run-of-the-mill. On the other hand, having helped a young woman to her first climax ever makes me feel good for hours or days. I just feel proud, and I bath myself in the idea that she probably thinks I'm an extraordinary man. It's so good for my ego.

Why should women react differently? Though no man has ever thought with the brain of a woman, and no woman with the brain of a man (therefore making a real comparison based on own experience simply impossible), women are usually considered the less egoistic partners in sexual play.

In a relationship of love, it is more important for many women that they satisfy their partners, rather than experience satisfaction themselves. When a women knows that her own orgasms are important to the satisfaction of her man, and if at any given time, she just can't have one, she may just simply fake one.

If you yourself are no stranger to the feeling of pride for having helped her to achieve an orgasm, you will easily understand that she may consider good sex for her what is good sex for you. Go ahead, give her the feeling that the best sex you ever had is with her. Make your own orgasms a little bit more dramatic than they actually are.

Love, of course, is a complicated game. And the science of sociology is simple in comparison to the science of love. The reason is the high degree of reflectiveness present in all relationships of love. I want what she wants what I want what she wants. My orgasms may be dramatic because it makes her feel good if I feel that my orgasms are stronger with her than with any other woman before her. But my orgasms with her are more dramatic only because I know that it makes her feel good if she feels that my orgasms are stronger with her than with any other woman before her. But then again, she may want my orgasms to appear stronger because if I make them appear stronger, it means that I care for her sufficiently to go at that length, so she feels good if I feel good if I make my orgasms feel stronger because I believe that she enjoys it more if she thinks my orgasms are stronger. Got it?

I myself am not surprised if people think that love is a rather confusing matter. It makes you run in circles. But then again, why run straight if at the end of a straight line, nothing less than a grave is awaiting you.

Love - it won't last

The sad thing about love is that it is ultimately impossible. First, you can fall in love with each other. You can feel the excitement every time you meet. You can promise each other, yes, yes, yes, for ever only you. You can marry and, at this stage, feel as if you want to embrace the whole world. Honeymoon can be sheer bliss. You can found a family and feel sure of each other. For how long? Sooner or later you will be at a crossroads. Either of the following can happen. One of the two partners is attracted to an outsider and gives in to the attraction; if this will become known to the other, it will cause a lot of pain, and finally kill the emotion of love; if it doesn't become known the first time, it will at the second or third. Or, if neither of the two gives in to the sexual attraction of an outsider, and doesn't even admit it, boredom and indifference will set in.

The one sure thing is, it won't last on and on. Even if the relationship will be continued for decades, because this is dictated by the conventions of a place, or because other options just don't seem feasible, it will, after a while, no longer be based on love.

Procreation is a biological necessity. We all are wired to fall in love during our youth. To fall in love raises the appetite to copulate, and to copulate is necessary in order to procreate. There is also a biological necessity for feelings of love and care. Where there is only appetite to copulate, offspring may not be attended to sufficiently.

In my view, nature is terribly efficient. What's not needed is not provided for. Old age is created by man, not by nature. Nature's interest probably is a turnover rate of the species of 30 years. We are equipped comparatively well to go on with a partner for a few years, probably a maximum of the famous seven. It's about an age when the first-born children could follow a herd independently.

I don't think mankind is equipped emotionally to last in love relationships for more than a few years, certainly less than ten. When we fall in love, we just see all the good sites of a partner or prospective partner. Kind attitudes and good looks... loving, caring, a serious personality... industrious and orderly, or admirable for other qualities.

What's wrong, we will only see as time goes by: bad temper, lack of reliability, not caring any longer about one's appearance. And we ask ourselves: were we just blind when we fell in love, or has this person really changed so much. If a relationship proceeds to this point, and beyond, it's just fading down. Life can be so depressing, day in, day out. There is nothing left to talk about. And then it's time to die.

Each of the two partners will contemplate what went wrong. If they lack understanding of life itself, they may ultimately think that it all comes down to the wrong choice of partner. They'll remember the other options they had in life, those that they bypassed because they decided for the one they're with. But it wouldn't have been better with the other option, just different, and finally, just as depressing. Make no mistake... the deficiency is in nature. Basically, it's the impossibility of love.

If I see a Western mid-age couple and the husband pays a lot of attention to his wife, as if they were newlyweds, I usually know what has happened. She had another man and he is hurting. My prognosis: it won't last.

It also just looks like love. In reality, it's pain. He feels deeply hurt and plays romantic. He feels a stone in his stomach and desire in his balls. He copulates with her, but in reality, he'd rather strangulate her. Just everything's wrong. He's so nice to her, attending to every of her wishes, as if they were on a honeymoon trip. But if you look more closely you can see the bitterness in the corners of his mouth.

And she? She may feel that by a little business on the side, she has regained a romantic, charming husband. She likes to be in public with him, as if she wants to present him as the sample of a husband who, yes, is still so attentive after all these years. Don't believe it. When he's beyond the worst of his pain, he'll be looking for a way out. And it's not he that will be her final concern, but a good share of the conjugal property.

We know it. One way or the other, it won't go well.