Love addresses two kinds of human needs, sexual needs and emotional needs.
Contrary to traditional perceptions, sex isn’t part of love. Rather, love (romantic love) is a subset of sex, even a form of sex, in evolution and human psychology.
Romantic love can substitute for the fulfillment of sexual needs for many people who are handicapped in a pursuit of sexual excitement or sexual satisfaction. Handicaps may be physical (health-related, attractiveness-related, age-related), social (repressive morals, harsh legal frames, no courting opportunities), or even economic (insufficient logistics).
On the other hand, the fulfillment of sexual needs can be tremendously enriched if emotional needs are satisfied, or at least addressed, as well.
This applies to females and males, but for females, the interrelationship is more pronounced. There is a common pattern whereby a female grants a male the satisfaction of sexual needs because the male satisfies the emotional needs of the female, for example, if he can convince her that he really loves her. However, in such a setting, the sexual market value of the male suitor ought to be not much lower than the sexual market value of the female.
Love is many things. It also is a sweet illusions. Of course, love is real, just like nightmares. People function superior to others if they are not just immersed in love, but also stay in control. Knowledge about the mechanisms of love gives a person considerable leverage when being involved with others.
Two kinds of sexual love
I want to understand what sexual love is. I want to know so I can control it. I want to control how and when I love a woman, and I want to know what I have to do so that a woman I am interested in will indeed love me.
I would like my knowledge on love to be scientific, but love evades clear-cut cause-and-effect explanations.
There are two kinds of sexual love, and they are generated differently.
One kind of sexual love addresses emotional needs more than sexual needs, even though a sexual relationship is part of the love arrangement. This love is closeness and comfort. It deals with the logistics of life, especially if they are difficult, and involves helping each other, being there for each other, and so on. This kind of love is comparatively easy to engineer, by being a nice guy. Unfortunately, if in such a relationship, the logistics of life are settled well, a woman will likely have secret sexual affairs (at least if social rules make it possible). And a man, too, will seek other sexual opportunities.
The second kind of sexual love is a burning desire for the other person. This kind of love will likely be exclusive on the part of the loving partner. The loving partner will likely also experience great sex. And if you engineer this kind of love in your partner and in yourself, you will have a touching experience and a great time.
The key to engineering burning-desire love is just the right amount of a sense of defeat. This goes for the partner in whom we want to install burning-desire love, and it applies to ourselves if we want to make ourselves love another person more.
Sense of defeat is an extremely powerful psychological tool. We are all genetically primed to avoid defeat. And emotionally, the worst defeat is related to sexual partnerships. The psychological mechanism to avoid defeat, especially sexual defeat, is the immune system of the mind. Once we manipulate love, through mechanisms of defeat, especially jealousy, we put this psychological system into overdrive.
There are several techniques to achieve the desired results. Some are crude, such as indeed engaging into parallel relationships. Such techniques are crude because there actually is a person who is doing wrong.
More sophisticated techniques are entirely verbal, and actually, they do not produce somebody at fault. We talk and we listen. We talk if we want another person love us, and we listen if we want to surrender ourselves to a higher degree of love.
We talk, or listen, about past romantic experiences, or parallel imaginations without actually engaging in anything. But careful. The right dosage makes a medicine. An overdose is poison, and an underdose does not yield the desired result.
In a sexual or romantic relationship, all of us like to be the optimal partner. And the sense of defeat comes up if we ourselves or our partner is confronted with the idea that a previous person was better in any way.
But this sense of defeat must not be overdone. If it is overdone, the reaction may just be total withdrawal instead of total submission to love.
The other danger is that the technique is discovered as a lie. To find the right dosage, and to talk the right lines, takes some experience and a fair amount of emotional understanding of ourselves and the other person.
Notes on dirty talk
While many of my articles evaluate how the sexual response can by influenced pharmacologically, a more traditional way is through sexual language or depictions of sexual acts.
Words or pictures, or thoughts (which are mostly formulated as words or imagined as pictures), can be powerful in initializing a string of sexual reactions. They can cause a mental fixation on sexual acts strong enough to make us forget that it’s not worth to be alive.
This doesn’t contradict the assumption that all bodily functions, including those of the brain, are first of all biochemical processes. It’s just an example that biochemical processes of the brain can be triggered by other methods than chemical agents: the senses, memory, and even abstract reasoning.
It is possible to modulate the susceptibility for words and pictures with medications that suppress the hormone prolactin. High prolactin levels are associated with motherly attitudes and a lack of sexual appetite.
Healthy people other than breast-feeding mothers usually don’t have to worry about their prolactin levels. Nevertheless, dopaminergics are bought by an increasing number of people not for the treatment of Parkinson’s but for its prolactin-suppressing and sexuality-enhancing properties.
While dopaminergics will, to a certain extent, work in focusing the mind on sexual thoughts and acts, it would be amateurish to disregard the power of words as an agent for sexual enhancement (and I am not saying this because as a writer, I’d like to stick to the tools of my trade).
Maybe women more than men are open to the power of words when it comes to sexual enhancement. Tell your current girlfriend some details of your sex life with the previous one, and chances are this will work better than mixing something into her orange juice.
Lacing someone’s drink is a criminal act, and can have expensive consequences.
Talk is cheap. No jury will convict you of date rape because you got her into the mood by talking about how it was with the previous one.
If you’re with your wife, and if the relationship lacks zest, try something more explicit. Talk about what you dreamed last night (you can make that up in any way you think may work). And if you’re not good in making up stories, get help from such works of “science” that have been written about the sexual fantasies of women. Or, for some heavier artillery, read de Sade’s Justine.
Most women, even those who are good mothers and housewives, are amazingly susceptible to fantasies such as being the only female among ten or twenty men on a Robinson island.
Women read more fiction than men do, and spinning stories into which women can channel their sexual fantasies makes for a whole genre of literature.
To indulge in some fantasies doesn’t mean that there is a serious desire to turn them into reality. Most women who can be aroused by stories about them being served by a group of men would balk at a proposal to have such a setting actually implemented. They WILL refuse even if they may have whispered “I want” when such a setting was verbally fantasized about while enjoying sexual intercourse (with just one man, that is). It’s not only that women may be better capable to differentiate between fantasies and reality.
It’s also understandable that in an undisturbed situation (when being together with just one man), a woman may, in her fantasies, be open for the thrill of the idea of being served by several men, while avoiding the complications that such an endeavor would result in when tried in real life.
The seed of love
You can engineer love quite easily, with just a few tricks, but only if a seed is already there. The skill is in making the seed blossom.
The seed can be of various kinds.
1. Physical attractiveness. Whether you are male or female, if you are physically attractive, this is something to build on.
2. An intimate relationship. You can always turn an intimate relationship into love. This may sound strange to readers in Europe and the Americas where one assumes that love must come before intimacy. But in fact, in many non-Western cultures, marriage comes before love, and certainly before love-making.
3. Close friendship. This is a seed that usually is hard to germinate, especially if not accompanied by physical attractiveness.
4. Flattering. This may work with older, less attractive women and is a technique applied by gigolos. This may lead to intimacy which is easy to build on.
Do you need love?
I am talking from man to man here.
And I do not mean: Do you need sex? Because you can have a lot of sex without you loving her, and without her loving you.
But let’s clarify first what we are talking about. Love isn’t well defined. I would say that love has to be a strong emotion. I do not usually see this in the long-term togetherness of married couples.
I am more willing to assign the term love to an intense, even burning, and quite possibly exclusive desire for another person.
One can engineer such feelings in women, and in oneself. Like so much in human life, it’s really just a matter of knowing the right tricks.
But do I really want love? In myself, and my partner?
My experience with women who love me has been that this can turn very messy. Women who love me do not want to share me with others. They demand a lot of attention and are suspicious of any free time I have. If there are reasons for jealousy, they may even turn quite violent.
If I feel that sensation of burning love, I have strong sexual urges directed to her. I can go many rounds, no Viagra needed, and orgasms are powerful. I will likely cut off other sexual relationships for lack of interest. And I may want her to love me, too.
If this can be engineered, isn’t that perfect?
Actually, it can be engineered, as a therapy, possibly with pharmacological aides, such as dopaminergics or butea superba, which can cause compulsive sexual behavior, and it can be pretty good, indeed. The downside is that I will go into a lot of commitment, financially and otherwise.
Because she will be possessive, I will not have many opportunities otherwise, not within the same country.
The challenge really is that I get out of this before she does. Because I do not want to be left with this burning love sensation towards a woman who is not available to me.
As for such a relationship of burning desire for each other being life-long... That is not a realistic perspective anyway.
Love as neuromolecular constellation
The essence of knowledge is engineering. If we can make it, we know it.
Love, being in love (which is not the same), longing, jealousy, desire, bliss, satisfaction and all the other emotions associated with love are really just expressions of specific neurochemical processes or neuromolecular constellations.
Materialistic philosophers have preached this for hundreds of years. But whether one would subscribe to their explanations was largely a matter of believe-it-or-not.
It used to be like listening to a physicist's explanation of why the transmission of sound through cable should theoretically be possible. How much more convincing is it to pick up the telephone and do a long-distance call.
Once it will be possible to engineer emotions with precision, esoteric explanations about them will be regarded as poetry or as nonsense, but definitely no longer as science or philosophy.
Wait a moment. We are already there. Though the techniques still lack calibration, we already can reliably engineer specific emotions. Fear, for example, with anxiogenic drugs. Or relaxation and calmness with sedatives. We can, with the application of specific pharmaceuticals, gain a person's trust far easier than with sweet promises and good deeds. It can be achieved with many a barbiturate, though the effect may not last.
Actually, whether through the application of specific barbiturates or through the combination of sweet promises and good deeds... if we want to gain the trust of a particular person, we will have to provoke specific neurochemical processes in that person's brain. Yes, even a simple sentence such as "I love you" has to be encoded chemically process to exert its effect on the person who gets to hear it.
Much of the control mechanism for our emotions rests with neurotransmitters. Neurotransmitters are chemicals that act at the points where nerve cells connect with each other. The prevalence, or the presence or absence of specific amounts of neurotransmitters, as well as the density of receptor sites for specific neurotransmitters at nerve endings, will control to a wide extend the emotions to which we are subject.
Of special importance are the neurotransmitters dopamine and serotonin, a pair of neuroactive agents that somehow keep each other in check (just like testosterone and estrogen of the hormonal system, or the sympathetic and parasympathetic autonomous nervous systems).
Roughly, dopamine is associated with agitation, and serotonin with relaxation. (This is a very rough characterization indeed; but the aim of this article is just to generate some awareness for the rather prosaic basis of esoteric sentiments.)
The level at which we feel emotionally united with the rest of mankind depends on the dopamine / serotonin balance of our brains much more than it does on philosophical insight. People with a sufficiently high level of serotonin usually tend to emphasize common ground and altruistic motives, while characters primarily driven by dopamine tend to be more egoistic in nature (they probably are also more sexualized).
Thomas Hobbes and philosophers such as the German Max Stirner who established selfishness as the philosophy of egoism practically analyzed their own low serotonin levels as the essence of mankind.
Future generations will have a free choice among philosophies and value systems, not so much based on intellectual considerations but by mixing their own cocktails of serotonin and dopamine enhancers.
Actually, raising levels of serotonin can treat many states of psychological complications, not just depression. Schizophrenia as well as obsessive-compulsive disorders respond favorably to raising serotonin levels, primarily through SSRIs (selective serotonin re-uptake inhibitors).
On the other hand, the strength at which we feel our desires depends to a good extent on sufficiently high levels of dopamine.
I have much more experience with dopaminergic agents than I do with serotonin agonists. The reason is the specific reward system that I have installed in my life. I am very much centered on experiencing ever better sex. It's really the only thing that counts for me, and my interest in love primarily results from my experience that sex in a love relationship is so much more gratifying than casual sex, provided the love relationship doesn't drag along for too long a time.
While I have devoted a lot of time studying purely psychological techniques of engineering love, I am a firm believer in the pharmacological route. I apply psychological methods primarily because pharmacological methods on hand today are still so crude (apart from possibly being illegal).
Using dopaminergic agents on myself, I basically heighten desire, because satisfaction is all the deeper the higher desire has first been.
One dopaminergic agent I have applied a number of times is bromocriptine (marketed by Sandoz as Parlodel). I have had truly memorable orgasms on bromocriptine. I have, on bromocriptine, experienced pre-orgasmic states of desire that were high enough for climaxes to happen almost by themselves. Unfortunately, that extraordinarily positive effect of bromocriptine has been wearing off the more often I used it, so after some 30 applications, I decided to interrupt bromocriptine usage.
For the longest, I have used yohimbe and yohimbine (yohimbine being the active ingredient in yohimbe). Though an old medications, used for centuries, yohimbe is not fully researched. The medical literature emphasizes that yohimbine blocks presynaptic alpha-2-adrenergic receptors which results in increased blood flow to the sex organs, and reduced outflow.
But only now, journal articles are appearing, which attribute specific dopaminergic effects to yohimbine. Based on animal model experiments, it has been concluded that yohimbine application not only effects erections but also the duration of satiation periods between events of copulation. The reoccurring of sexual desire of course is largely effected by dopamine activity in the brain.
While research into the dopaminergic aspects of yohimbine is still sketchy, it has long been known that yohimbine is an anxiogenic agent, meaning to say that it can be pharmacologically used to induce fear. Whether this works on the dopamine / serotonin axis or through other pathways that currently haven't be.
Easy technique for engineering love
I can easily manipulate myself to love a certain woman, and I have a good success rate manipulating a woman.
This sounds dishonest and even outright dangerous.
But the technique is so simple that this simplicity by itself negates its classification as dangerous.
All you do is talk and listen. Talk about your own past relationships to install love in a woman, and listen to her relating relationship stories of her past.
This stories of past relationships of a partner will resound in a persons mind. They will create background imaginations, and make any person compare itself with sexual partners in the stories listened to.
This in turn will result in feelings of jealousy and defeat. If we constantly imagine a person in a sexual relationship with another person, we will miss this person, and interpret this longing as love.
This is quite similar to the jealousy we feel when a current sexual partner is unfaithful or has an ongoing affair.
But the jealousy accompanying the event of a partner being unfaithful is much stronger than the imagination of a previous sexual relationship.
And there is one great difference: if a current sexual partner has a parallel sexual relationship, we think of breaking up and getting out. This is, I think, a normal self-defense reaction.
But imaginations of past relationships usually do not contain this component. There isn’t really anything we can blame the partner for. A relationship in the past happened before the current partner knew us or loved us. In the context of most cultures, there is no guilt.
Sample manipulation technique
A manipulator needs confidence. Nobody can manipulate if he or she feels insecure about whether it will work.
One needs awareness that when one has knowledge of the best tactics, manipulating love is easy.
This awareness, however, only comes from a deeper understanding how manipulation works.
For example the manipulation of children so that they will adopt a certain religion. Even though children can become stern believers in religions, it does not have much to do with the qualities of a specific religion. Children do not become believers of one religion rather than another one because the one they adopt would be more convincing, just as women do not necessarily fall in love with the man who would objectively be best for them. Fact is that for successful manipulation, the genuine qualities of neither religions nor men are the central factor. Manipulation mechanisms are.
Assuming four people in a room: a mother, an uncle, the wife of the uncle, and a 5-year-old girl.
Asks the uncle, presumably addressing the mother: “Does little princess already understand religion?”
Answers the mother: “Yes, little princess is already big enough. She already knows religion.”
Says the uncle’s wife: “Are you sure she is not a Catholic?”
Then the uncle’s wife tweezes her eyes and looks critically at little princess and says: “I think she is a Catholic; her feet look as if she is a Catholic.”
Says the mother: “No, no, no, little princess is not a Catholic. Of course she is a Mormon. A real Mormon because she is already big and understands religion.”
Says the uncle: “Is it true. Is little princess already big? Does she already know how to be a genuine Mormon? She must be very clever that she already understands how to be a real Mormon.”
The one thing little princess does not understand in the whole conversation, is the meaning of Catholic and Mormon.
What she does understand is that her being a Mormon is associated with her being big already, and that is what she wants. She wants to be big already, and she wants to be called smart, and if both of this is associated with being a Mormon, it must be great to be a Mormon.
The next day in the kindergarten, little princess will say to another little girl she hates: “I think you are a Catholic! I can see it from your feet. Catholic, Catholic, Catholic!
In successful manipulation, one first identifies a window through which one channels the manipulation into the target’s mind.
For example to associate an unknown element (being a Mormon, not a Catholic) with a highly positive element (for little princess the idea to be big already).